If God is everywhere, then he is also in non-Christian churches, right?
That is part of the reason I attended non-Christian churches during my fifty-two week experiment. I didn’t plan on converting to Scientology, but I did want to learn to respect all religions. Not because they are right or wrong, but because other faiths are made up of people, and all people deserve respect.
But man, the Church of Scientology made it really difficult. Instead of blasting them, I have decided to just tell the story of my experience and let you draw your own conclusions.
I admit I was really nervous about this experience. Christian churches may be goofy from time to time, but at least I know we are all worshipping the same God. At the end of the day, we are all in the same ballpark, playing the same game. Scientologists aren’t just in a different ballpark; they seem to be on a different planet. Before Sunday, I didn’t even know what their “service” was. Would there be a large group of people? Would it be a one-on-one interview? Would Tom Cruise be there?
When I first walked into the Scientology building (on 4th Street in downtown Cincinnati), I was surprised to see only one woman sitting behind a desk. She asked if I was a first-time visitor. I said yes, and she made a telephone call upstairs. She spoke in a foreign language, and I was already starting to feel nervous.
An elderly gentleman came downstairs a few minutes later and introduced himself as TJ. TJ asked why I was visiting their church. I said I had heard a lot about Scientology and wanted to check it out for myself. More than any of my other visits, I felt like I was spying on their church and was very cognizant of being “caught.”
TJ took me over to a couch and popped in a DVD about Dianetics. It was basically one big infomercial trying to sell their books and/or DVDs. Lots of testimonies from people talking about how Dianetics changed their lives. I never really understood the concept before, but I think Dianetics is the idea that we can learn to ignore all of our bad experiences and focus on the good. By doing so, it frees us up to live happier lives. The voiceover dude even asked, “What if pain didn’t influence you?” Eliminating pain seemed to be the goal. Right off the bat, I had a problem with that message. Some of the most painful moments in my life have been used by God to help me mature and grow.
After I finished watching the video, a woman took me upstairs to the “service.” Getting there was like going through a maze (which I think is the point). I finally walked into the main room and realized it sat about forty people. Approximately twenty-five seats were filled, and the service was about to begin.
They began with their Scientology “creed.” It seemed like their version of a prayer to begin the service. Next, there was a reading from the program on personal integrity. The quote came from L. Ron Hubbard and made no sense. Here is an excerpt:
Of course we can talk about honor, truth, all these things. These esoteric terms. But I think they’d all be covered very well If what we really observed was what we observed. That we took care to observe what we were observing. That we always observed to observe.
Huh?
Then, the “pastor” (I have no idea what they call the guy who delivers the message) stood up to speak. I am not really clear what happened here, but I am pretty sure his message was an excerpt from an L. Ron Hubbard book. He literally opened a large book, found a particular page, and spent ten minutes reading. I have no idea what he read. It was something about happiness, and depression, and … I honestly have no idea.
Okay, pretty odd so far, but what happened next is the most bizarre thing I have ever experienced in my entire life. Ready for this?
That is part of the reason I attended non-Christian churches during my fifty-two week experiment. I didn’t plan on converting to Scientology, but I did want to learn to respect all religions. Not because they are right or wrong, but because other faiths are made up of people, and all people deserve respect.
But man, the Church of Scientology made it really difficult. Instead of blasting them, I have decided to just tell the story of my experience and let you draw your own conclusions.
I admit I was really nervous about this experience. Christian churches may be goofy from time to time, but at least I know we are all worshipping the same God. At the end of the day, we are all in the same ballpark, playing the same game. Scientologists aren’t just in a different ballpark; they seem to be on a different planet. Before Sunday, I didn’t even know what their “service” was. Would there be a large group of people? Would it be a one-on-one interview? Would Tom Cruise be there?
When I first walked into the Scientology building (on 4th Street in downtown Cincinnati), I was surprised to see only one woman sitting behind a desk. She asked if I was a first-time visitor. I said yes, and she made a telephone call upstairs. She spoke in a foreign language, and I was already starting to feel nervous.
An elderly gentleman came downstairs a few minutes later and introduced himself as TJ. TJ asked why I was visiting their church. I said I had heard a lot about Scientology and wanted to check it out for myself. More than any of my other visits, I felt like I was spying on their church and was very cognizant of being “caught.”
TJ took me over to a couch and popped in a DVD about Dianetics. It was basically one big infomercial trying to sell their books and/or DVDs. Lots of testimonies from people talking about how Dianetics changed their lives. I never really understood the concept before, but I think Dianetics is the idea that we can learn to ignore all of our bad experiences and focus on the good. By doing so, it frees us up to live happier lives. The voiceover dude even asked, “What if pain didn’t influence you?” Eliminating pain seemed to be the goal. Right off the bat, I had a problem with that message. Some of the most painful moments in my life have been used by God to help me mature and grow.
After I finished watching the video, a woman took me upstairs to the “service.” Getting there was like going through a maze (which I think is the point). I finally walked into the main room and realized it sat about forty people. Approximately twenty-five seats were filled, and the service was about to begin.
They began with their Scientology “creed.” It seemed like their version of a prayer to begin the service. Next, there was a reading from the program on personal integrity. The quote came from L. Ron Hubbard and made no sense. Here is an excerpt:
Of course we can talk about honor, truth, all these things. These esoteric terms. But I think they’d all be covered very well If what we really observed was what we observed. That we took care to observe what we were observing. That we always observed to observe.
Huh?
Then, the “pastor” (I have no idea what they call the guy who delivers the message) stood up to speak. I am not really clear what happened here, but I am pretty sure his message was an excerpt from an L. Ron Hubbard book. He literally opened a large book, found a particular page, and spent ten minutes reading. I have no idea what he read. It was something about happiness, and depression, and … I honestly have no idea.
Okay, pretty odd so far, but what happened next is the most bizarre thing I have ever experienced in my entire life. Ready for this?
The pastor said we were going to participate in a group experience. I immediately felt anxious about the idea. I know I claim to be a writer, but I struggled to find the right words to describe the group experience. This is my best shot….
The pastor told us to look at the floor. To touch it, to know that it was real. Then he told us to look at the right wall, then the left wall, then the right wall, then the left wall, then the floor, then the right wall, then the right wall, then the right wall again, then the right wall, then the left wall, then the left wall, then the left wall again, then the floor, then the floor, then the floor.
Sensing a pattern? Every time we looked at something, he asked us what it was. We had to repeat, “The right wall,” or, “The left wall,” or, “The floor.”
He did this with the floor, the right wall, the left wall, the right part of the stage, the left part of the stage, the ceiling, etcetera. We had to keep telling him what it was after he told us to look at it.
Next, he told us to look around the room and asked us when we were. (I thought I was in Lost for a second.) We had to say, “In the present.” Then, we had to look at our neighbors and tell them they were in the present. He asked us if we were real, and we had to say we were. He asked how we knew we were real, and we had to say, “Because we are here” or, “Because we are in the present.” We had to tell our neighbors they were “here.” He asked us to touch them to confirm they were real. (This was actually my favorite part.)
Finally, he asked us where our feet were, then our hands, nose, ears, and head. We had to pick someone in the room and look at their features. We even had to stare into their eyes for a few seconds. (Dude I stared at … call me.)
Is this making any sense? I honestly have no idea how to describe it. Just imagine all of this happening. Now, imagine it happening for thirty minutes! I am not kidding. Thirty minutes of …
Look at the left wall.
What is it? The left wall.
Look at the right wall.
What is it? The right wall.
Look at the left stage.
What is it? The left stage.
Look at the right stage.
What is it? The right stage.
Look at the floor.
What is it? The floor.
Where are you? In the present.
Where are you? Right here.
Where is your right hand?
Where is your left hand?
Where is your head?
Where is your neighbor? Right there.
Where is your neighbor’s head?
Now, where is your wallet? (Just kidding.)
This went on for thirty minutes! After the group exercise mercifully ended, we read The Scientology Prayer for Total Freedom together. Then, they had “graduation announcements.” I wasn’t completely clear what this was, but I surmised there are classes that you take on Scientology, and when you complete the classes, you get a certificate. One guy mentioned the class he finished included 76 DVDs. Hello! Thank Xenu I have Netflix. Four people graduated, and they had a very brief ceremony.
At the very end of the service, some dude stood up and gave a few announcements. He also welcomed the new people, and in the most awkward welcome I have experienced so far, he actually pointed me out, asked me if I was new, said hello to me (in front of the entire group), and asked for my name.
“Brad Michael Day,” I told him.
Okay, let’s talk about L. Ron Hubbard.
They had a bust of L. Ron in their main room. (I’m pretty sure he winked at me once.) On multiple occasions, the group stood and applauded L. Ron. At the very end of the service, they played an audio quote from L. Ron, and after the quote ended, everyone stood, applauded, and chanted something toward the bust. They literally worship this dude.
The service finally ended, and they offered me free lunch. I guess they have free lunch every week for the whole group. I declined the offer. I also declined the offer to take a personality test. At that point in the experience, I was looking for the door, which was a problem because I mentioned earlier this place was like a maze. Every door was closed, and I couldn’t find my way out. For a moment, I thought they had locked me in. I panicked, opened a door, and found myself in a stairwell. I have never descended stairs so quickly.
The only positive experience was meeting some people that seemed nice enough. They weren’t mean, evil, or overtly crazy. They just seemed misled.
But there are lessons to be learned from the visit. The way Christians think about Scientology is probably similar to the way non-Christians think about Christianity.
We pray strange prayers. We chant. We worship a dead guy. We have classes and certificates. We sell books. We read from a book. When you are entrenched in something so long, you forget how bizarre it looks from the outside. Maybe every Christian should attend the Church of Scientology and realize your experience in their church is pretty similar to a non-Christian’s experience in your church.
One positive result—I prayed in church more today than I have in my entire life. Jesus and I were chatting the whole time. He kept me sane in an insane environment.
On a completely unrelated note, why do I suddenly feel the urge to watch Top Gun?
Now, look at the right wall.
JOIN THE CONVERSATION
